May 30, 2013
Why some evangelicals are trying to stop obsessing over premarital sex
In this article for The Atlantic, Abigail Rine refers to the numerous evangelical writers and bloggers who have been speaking out recently about the conservative Christian culture’s preoccupation with virginity—especially for women. “While exposés of evangelical purity culture are hardly new,” she writes, . . . “what is noteworthy is that these criticisms are beginning to emerge from within conservative religious circles themselves.” She points out the “damaged goods” metaphor is especially being rejected, as is the double-standard thinking that emphasizes virginity for young women but is more forgiving of premarital sex engaged in by young men. Rine wonders if a new sexual ethic will replace the abstinence model, as is being discussed among some progressive Christians.
There is a big difference between rejecting virginity-based sexual ethics, and rejecting a chastity-based sexual ethic. When we make virginity the basis of a girl’s (or boy’s) “purity” and acceptability/desireability, we deny the efficacy of Christ’s sacrifice, and make confession and reconciliation pointless: after all, no matter how much we confess and turn to Christ, anyone who has ever had sex is still non-virgin.
Glorifying virginity also automatically denigrates the faithful wife who, while giving and receiving lovingly of the god-given pleasure that is marital sex, has to balance her satisfaction with that “marital duty” with the residual stigma of having become “impure” through the very act that is most characteristic of marriage.
But chastity is something to which we can recommit at any time: an ideal we can turn to no matter what past acts we may have laid at the foot of the cross. I strongly believe that premarital abstinence and postmarital fidelity ARE ideals that should be upheld. My experience is that those ideals cost relatively little self-discipline and greatly magnify the joy to be found in marriage and minimize the risks of sexual disease and other undesired consequences.